Home » Life » When Strangers Handle My Package… #31WriteNow

When Strangers Handle My Package… #31WriteNow

Today, I stumbled upon this story about a guy that caught a woman stealing a package off of his front porch via private security camera.

This type of incident isn’t earth shattering or new, but his response to it was different and pretty damn hilarious. This man made a ‘Wanted’ poster and is dead serious about finding this lady. He’s laughing, but he’s really not.

Hehehe…eh, hell.

If I were this lady, I would fear for my life. He looks pleasant enough to be a sociopathic serial murderer. He has that same wild, yet slightly emotionally detached look in his eyes that I get whenever the delivery men leaves my package out in the open. You can tell that if he ever sees this lady or any woman that looks even remotely like her, he’s taking out her ankles with a water-treated wooden mallet and demanding she drag herself to her house to get the property that she stole.

And you know what, I wouldn’t feel bad for her. Does she know how it feels to get a package stolen?

Violated! That’s how!

To think, someone has the nerve to come onto your property and take something that belongs to you! There’s most likely a receipt in that box. Your name and other personal info could be on it. And they’re scanning it over with their slimy thief eyeballs, thinking about what the inside of your house and bank account look like.

*shudders* Oh, no. No, no!

Besides that, you can’t help but feel like “Hey, someone took my stuff! It’s mine. It’s…gone!” It’s an empty feeling, like someone stole your favorite teddy bear. There’s a damn process that goes into ordering nifty things online. A bonding process. You browse your favorite site and come across the perfect item, be it a year’s supply of your favorite toothpaste or a brand-new-phone! It’s an item that you are willing and able to buy with your hard-earned money. So you do just that:

1) You research the product, comparing prices and reviews (or at least I do)
2) You add the desired item to your cart (Oh, yeah!)
3) You go to check out…and have to sign in (Dammit!)
4) Forget the password for that account and have to retrieve it
5) Reset your password, log-in, and continue to the checkout basket
6) Choose your shipping option
A) Free: 2 Weeks (Motherfu…?)
B) $10.00: 5-7 Business Days (Eh, maybe)
C) $15: 2-3 Business Days (I can wait)
D) $25.50: Next Day (See Option A)
7) Hit Send (Hooray!)
8) And now…we wait

That anticipation of your new gadget or necessity is too much to bear. You catch yourself smiling in your work cubicle at the possibility that your package will be here any day now!

Then your stomach drops when you realize that…your package really could be there any day now…and you just might be at work when it arrives!


Now the anxiety kicks in.
What if you miss the package?
What if you miss the package 3 times and they send it back? Or..
What if they deliver the package and leave it there on your front porch?!

Sweet mercy…NO! It could be sitting out there all day being scouted by a neighbor or a passer-by. After all that frustration and an almost 2 week wait – if you include their BS “processing time” – you are in no mood to wait again! You are also in no mood to have to call the delivery company, open a claim with one of their sweet-as-pickles customer service reps, and then wait again for them to contact the company and have them ship out another one. Then you have to hope that the next package doesn’t get ripped of.

Your nerves! Your poor first-world nerves have to endure all of that, simply because either the delivery people didn’t feel like delivering it at a time when you would be home or someone took it from you when you weren’t home.



The package thief lady at large aka the “blonde Sasquatch” (I truly LOL’d at this) has to understand the frustration that she caused. She’s human. She likes stuff. I’m sure she’s bonded with her stuff. So to have someone tamper with your stuff is unnerving, to say the least . Simply put, I don’t like strangers handling my packages. They’re either too rough or they touch it without permission. And no one likes that.

I’m going to do like that guy did. I’m going to get some surveillance cameras. So if The USPS guy leaves a slip and doesn’t attempt to ring the bell to deliver my package, or if the UPS guy plays soccer with damages my package, or if the FedEx guy just leaves my package on the steps and someone steals it, I’ll know what happened. And I’ll know who to yell at.

Ya jerks!


2 thoughts on “When Strangers Handle My Package… #31WriteNow

  1. Man, LISTEN….. you know the unparalleled joy I get from receiving packages in the mail? I wouldn’t be at all upset if he bust her open to the white meat about whateverthehell he couldn’t order at the store. I hope he catches her.

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