As of late, my writer’s block is so bad, I can barely get a solid poem down, so to work on a song (which I’ve never really done but know that it’s time to do) feels damn near impossible.
Why is writing so hard for me, you ask? I have more than enough inspiration given the wealth of emotional ups and downs in life, and I’m astutely observant when I want to be. However, it’s not coming out the way I need it to.
I’ve written lots of poetry in the past. But I’m drawing a serious blank at the moment. I haven’t written a poem in 5 years. I used to write consistently. But somewhere along the line, my creativity flickered until it turned into a dull light bulb. I feel like a flame without enough oxygen. Snuffed out! Quietly smoldering, not enough to light a candle. This completely blows!
See what I did there? I can come up with a ton of analogies. I do it all day. I have a creative mind, but…you know what?! I stomp out my creativity before it can grow. That’s what it is! It’s the doubt! I’m a perfectionist, I’m really hard on myself, I compare myself to others, my expectations are too high, and that I tell myself that my work is not good enough before I can scratch ink to the page. I need to stop that.
At the same time, I’m so stressed out and dealing with so much at such a quick speed that it’s hard to focus my thoughts and really play with them like I used to. I mean, I’ve never had an easy life or one without enough pain to fuel my artistic flare, but I feel like I’ve overdosed on pain and can’t move in my stupor.
I feel like I have a ton to say, but I’m unable to say it. I feel creatively dumb. I have thoughts, I just feel like there’s a block and the right words won’t form, and they won’t come out. All these thoughts flooding in, and I can’t express them as creatively and coherently as I’d like. It’s a quiet chaos. I feel as though I’m trapped in my own head, scribbling on the walls by some dim light. And even if they came to light, they wouldn’t even be legible given it’s rough delivery. Most of the time, as of late, they haven’t been.
Where songwriting is concerned, I’ve never really done it, but I’m damn straight not going to half-ass it by writing a typical love song or some mindless club/party song. BO-RING! It’s been done a thousand times…forever…way too much. In a way, a lot of these songs are only adding to the fray. It doesn’t teach anything, doesn’t challenge or heal anyone, doesn’t express more feelings other than the carnal ones, and only conditions people to think about the same mindless nonsense they always do. I’m not knocking the hustle, because everyone has their niche, and some people write about typical subjects in unique ways, which I appreciate. But I just can’t bring myself to do it.
There’s real shit going on in my life and in the world, both good and bad, and I’m not one to stick my head in the sand while it’s happening. But what the hell is that supposed sound like? What is my version of life and how I see it supposed to sound like? I’m not a musician yet. I’m purely a vocalist and poet. In the midst of all of this, I’m still trying to get the first few syllables out. I know what I feel and think, but how do I bring it out? I have no idea, but I’m trying. I just hope it happens fast enough.
Hopefully, one day, that space in my head will look more like this…
Whoever, wherever, whenever, whatever you are: How do you deal with your creative block?