Home » Life » “Feed Me, Seymore…!”

“Feed Me, Seymore…!”

If you’ve ever seen Little Shop of Horrors, you know what this line means. This plant and I have one thing in common…an almost insatiable appetite.

I don’t know how much I weigh right now, and I only half-way care. I’m just waiting for my metabolism to flip me the bird and go on vacation.

You’re on your own, heffa!

You wouldn’t believe how many cravings I have in a day for the most random things. My Facebook statuses (because I’m not a big Twitter person, yet….boo to you for judging!) are littered with the e-wrappers of my favorite treats. I’m always talking about some kind of pastry, fruit, or random dish. One day it was samosas with tamarind sauce. Another day, it was soft serve ice cream with sweet and salty caramel sauce. Some other days, it’s a full buffet plate…for lunch.

Look at him go! That’s right, Kirby, get your $7.95-worth of buffet special!

For most of my life, I’ve had a big appetite. It’s my father’s fault. He was always a big eater with a quick metabolism. I’m like that, but as I got older, I’ve grown into my grown woman hips…and boobs…and everything else that can’t fit into my old prom dress.

According to my mother, when I was a child, I would only eat certain foods like Spagetti-O’s, and I was very slim. According to her, I was also a vegetarian for the first few years of my life. News to me. I tried to go vegetarian a couple of years ago. It was fun, but it lasted a year. The holidays came around, and I just lost it. I have 0 self-control now.

So, here’s how greedy I am:

FACT! Or at least one of my favorites. I like long walks…

I get excited about wedding invitations, because I know there’s going to be free food and cake.

I have a little food dance, yes. But don’t let me get my hands on cake of any kind…

Ohmagahd, ohmagahd this cake is so good! Did you try it? Ohmagahd, ohmagad…SO SWEET, SO BUTTERY!

A majority of my disposable budget, after rent, bills, savings and essentials goes straight to food. Everything else after that is considered miscellaneous.

I get full and keep eating…just because it’s there. Ok, actually, sometimes I take it to go. I don’t like to waste food.

I gained 20 lbs. working in the Food & Beverage department of a hotel for a year.

Most of my Yelp reviews are food-based. And I don’t mess around! I will critique the hell out of a plate of fries from crisp to crunch!

EVERYTHING makes me think of food! When I hear certain words, they remind me of food. Like the word “Dream” makes me think of soft serve vanilla ice cream on a cone. The word “Brown” makes me think of fresh coffee cake with brown sugar crumble.

When I hear people speaking in foreign languages, I crave their native food. So, while you’re telling me a story, I’m like…

Mmmm…Yeah, I’m listenting. Sounds delicious…

See, I have no choice but to love other races, because outside of the awesome cultural differences, their food is so damn delicious!

I’m African-American, and I was raised on Southern “Soul Food”, but I’m also Jamaican, so I have had some of that deliciousness too. But I’ve also had Hatian food, Cuban, Vietnamese, Mexican, Indian, Greek, Puerto Rican, Thai, Chinese, Nigerian, and a bunch of other foods. But dammit, I’m not done! I want more!

My mission in this lifetime, to eat and be merry! We have guts, fill them with deliciousness! Real deliciousness! Worthy deliciousness! Damn deliciousness! Then laugh and work it all of!

Whoever, wherever, whenever, whatever you are: how food fascinated are you?


3 thoughts on ““Feed Me, Seymore…!”

  1. I totally been there, I used to eat so much to the point that I would get sick. At least you eat food, I would eat junk which I still do but less of it. Just keep yourself very busy and try to incorporate a little bit of Mediterranean diet, its not only healthy but it helps decrease the changes of cancer. I don’t believe in dieting but I do believe in healthy body, mind and spirit.

  2. Pingback: Thankfully, It’s Not So Bad | Sincerely, Taj

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